YGG

one of my favorite parts of the Happy episode on Yo Gabba Gabba

West Virginia

Lauren hasn't blogged about this, but I'm pretty sure almost everyone knows anyway.

They are moving to West Virginia.

I still contend that no one just moves to West Virginia. I mean, it's WEST. VIRGINIA. But apparently people do choose to move to that place and Wil's job is there so that's the end of it.

So she went to look at houses and such yesterday and they found a townhouse they want and will be going through all the stuff to get it. This is just happening too fast.

It also begs the question, "What will I do?!" My sister is my best friend. I'm addicted to Bug and Monkey. I am tired of Calvert County. I have one other option I think, but it would be the most difficult position for me. So I'll get back into applying for jobs hardcore and see what happens. At least this gives me a wider range of places to look since I can stay with Lauren without paying rent (at least for the first couple of months till I get back on my feet financially). I'm hoping they get this particular townhouse because it would provide a perfect living arrangement. I'm also hoping this all just goes away. I change my mind about every 5 seconds.

Everyone else (and I mean everyone) just assumes I'm going with them. My mom immediately assumed it. Everyone at church that I've talked to either asks right out if I'm going with or asks me what I'm going to do. Apparently it's pretty obvious that Lauren and I are kind of attached to each other.

Pretty much with everything I can't help but think, "Well, I don't have anything else going on." I just don't know how to approach most situations right now so it's kind of just been a go with the flow type of deal.

Basically my parent's house will likely only be inhabited by my parents and me and I'll still only have one teeny tiny room (without a real closet) to live in. I've never really been a fan of change - I'm the type who needs a little time to adjust. I just don't get the luxury of an adjustment period this time.

This is funny and true.

California

So my brother Matt is moving to San Diego tomorrow. Last year this time I probably wouldn't have given it too much thought. You see, Matt and I have only really gotten along with each other since approximately August 2008. You are probably thinking that I am exaggerating but you would be wrong. Matt and I had a few good years back in the beginning (good ol' '83) but then he says I started to talk. haha. Other than a few precious times when we would both be in a good enough mood to just not care about disliking each other, we steered clear or fought like crazy - seldom reaching a happy medium. So just before I decided to move to Utah, Matt and I mysteriously started not only getting along, but actually kind of enjoying each other's company. It took effort on both our parts as these things usually do and of course we have had some arguments, but not the fights we used to have and not nearly as often.

There are oh so many reasons for our relationship being what it was and what it is, reasons I won't be getting into here, I'm just really happy that things have changed. I think we are starting to get to know each other because I don't think either of us really ever cared to do that before and we are finding out things that make getting along together easier. Things like we both care if the other is hurt by someone they date or maybe we have a pretty similar approach to movie watching. Maybe this all sounds like it's not a big deal, but it is a really big deal. It is so far removed from where we have been and I always wanted things to change in this way. I didn't like not liking him.

So here we are. He's moving away. It's a good thing for him to do, though. He needs to get out of here and figure things out and try to be a responsible person without being confronted by all his past mistakes. He's grown a lot over the last few years and I wish him all the best.

I'm just gonna miss him.

summer update

I've written two blog posts between this one and the last but they were lame-o so they were discarded.

So as an update, here's my summer so far.

I went swimming twice so far. It just won't stop raining long enough to thoroughly enjoy the pool. The boys will have swim lessons soon though so there will be a lot of morning pool time with that. And I may just head up to Cape Cod to visit my aunt who is recovering from back surgery but that's still up in the air.

I haven't read a lick. I haven't really worked on any of my favorite hobbies lately. It has everything to do with being tired and lazy. It's a whole lot easier to just lay down and watch a couple episodes of Buffy before I go to sleep (that and the second season expires from Hulu on July 1, so I have to finish watching those episodes before then...they are some of the best of the show really where Angel goes all bad). I do still have a nice pile of books that will be going with me should I go to Cape Cod.

I helped out and attending a friend's wedding. It was fun. Next up is the Fourth of July. I have a lot to get done around the house before then. I'm hoping that party is a success. It will be nice to have the house organized and clean for at least a couple of hours.

Monkey is pretty much successfully potty trained. We are still working on the whining. I'm hoping it's a phase and the whining will at least happen a little less often. His attitude has gotten a lot better the closer he gets to age four and I'm fairly confident he will be a much happier kid (and quieter) once he gets his tonsils and adnoids removed and new ear tubes put in. A lot of his temperments are directly related to how he is feeling health wise.

Bug is still pretty much the cutest kid on earth. He's started acting up a little and he's been in time out now a few times, but he is cute even sitting in time out! haha. He spends a lot of his time at home lining up cars. There are lines of matchbox cars all over the place. He still likes to dance all the time and I can almost always distract him with a song or a dance or an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. If I ask him if he wants to watch a show, he expects Yo Gabba Gabba to come on. The plus side is, he'll sit on the couch and watch the whole thing most of the time so I know it's a good distraction. He is also starting to say more things, most importantly "Zizi." :)

blerg

I think I have a sort of blogging writers block. Does everyone get this? It's a vicious cycle that goes a little something like this:

I want to blog.

I sit down at the computer to write a post.

I stare at the blank post template willing words to enter my mind. Witty, smart, interesting words.

I get distracted by Hulu, Twitter, Facebook, Kids, TV, the phone, etc. (Just now, I had to take a 15 minute break to try to get Bug back to sleep bc Monkey woke him up and I am currently listening to him cry in his crib)

Hulu gives me posts in clip form which are fun indeed, but not all the time.

Twitter and Facebook give me that little jolt of blog-type goodness, but the goodness wears off quickly and I am left with an even bigger desire to blog.

Does this mean Twitter and Facebook are the crappy energy drinks of the internets? I submit that they most certainly are.

So I sit once again and stare at the blank post template. It is taunting me and I hate it.

I am distracted again only this time it's something real that needs to be taken care of - like lunch time or a little boy crying about having to take a nap or, you know, sleep. So I sigh a big sigh and give up for the day (or the week) telling myself that I will post something when I actually have something to post.

That is that. I remember a time when I could post something several times a day and they would be (mostly) interesting posts and I would get comments and I would chuckle and pat myself on the back for being so witty and charming and delightful. Now I'm just in a blogging rut and it bugs me.

Nuanced, Ambivalent or Guarded

I don't like bumper stickers. The idea of finding something I feel that strongly about to proclaim via my bumper is overwhelming. What if I change my mind? Besides that, most bumper stickers are not smart or witty or nice looking. And to be completely honest, I don't want people talking about me behind my bumper (so to speak).

But I would gladly post one of these bumper stickers on my car. Especially THIS one.

My Mouth is Squeaky!

Yesterday the bug man came to spray or house so the boys had to be taken out. I packed them up in the van and went out to do whatever I could think of. We ended up going to Target where I purchased a new dress (to replace the same one I had to return after it shrunk in the wash...and I got it $5 cheaper!) and a new skirt as well as some fun things for the boys and a new dress for my mom.

While I was hooking Monkey into his seat I asked him if he wanted pancakes (McDonalds) or chicken (Chic-fil-A) for breakfast. He put both hands on his cheeks and said, "hmmm." So I asked him again. He said, "Well, I don't really eat a lot of pancakes but I DO eat hot dogs!" Then he tried to reassure me that hot dogs were a suitable breakfast because he eats them all the time. I am assuring you that he only eats them at lunch and dinner.

Then as we were driving down the road he said, "My mouth is squeaky! Can you fix it when we get there?" I said I would. I still have no idea what a squeaky mouth is. No clue at all.

Other than that, not much has been happening. I had a nice relaxing weekend with shopping and laziness galore. Lauren has been preparing meals using stuff from the farm so we had things like Kale Pie and Kohlrabi Casserole. Both of those things sound gross but they really were quite delish. The Kale Pie was really just like a spinach and sausage quiche and the Kohlrabi Casserole was a yummy creamy and cheesy meat and cabbage kind of thing with mashed potatoes. I'm a fan of these new and different recipes.

I have a pile of books waiting to be read and a possible beach vacation in the near future where I will have plenty of time to read them.

Monkey is going to be getting his tonsils and adnoids out and new tubes put in his ears. This is good because it will mean longer periods of time where he is actually a healthy and happy kid. Most of his mood swings are usually a side effect of him feeling icky (ie, ear infections, tonsilitis, etc.). I still can't help but feel a little bad for him having to go through that surgery so young. But the younger it happens, the faster it heals.

He's also been doing good with the potty training. Things turned around recently and as much as I would like to get excited about it and share, I'm afraid to jinx it so that's all I will say.

So there's an update for you. We are watching 101 Dalmations right now and I am remembering that I kinda don't like this movie. I don't hate it (like Pinocchio, I HATE that movie) but I don't really like it either. Monkey loves it though so whatever.

clippity clop

I've been watching Jimmy Fallon clips on Hulu recently. At first it was just to see what the new show was like, but he hits the mark a lot with some funny sketches and audience and guest participation. Here are a few recent funny clips:







Project Natal Demo. The idea is awesome...but the jumpsuit? They all look like insane convicts.



And he still has a hard time keeping a straight face.

Independent Thinkers

I think it's generally accepted that it's good to raise children who are smart, good and independent (among other traits). You want to send them off into the world knowing how to handle themselves so they don't go to college not knowing how to wash their own clothes or cook meals more intricate than pb&j sandwiches. You want them to be kind and thoughtful and studious. You want them to have fun and make good decisions. You want them to hold down jobs and express opinions and you want them to be happy.

The problem with all of this is that to reach that outcome you have to do the work. You have to deal with toddlers learning to exert that independence. They are stubborn and they are willing to do whatever it takes to get their way. You've been trained. You are so far past that stage that it's hard to remember how difficult it is to go through. You just want it to pass so you can enjoy more of those delightful, imaginative conversations that peek through every so often (things like, "I've never ever been in a spaceship. Have YOU been in a spaceship?" and "Do cars like to dance?") You want to get past the potty training and the pacifier weening. You want to sail on by "making it through" a nap time that involves no nap. You want to make it through to days where you don't feel like you've spent the entire day yelling at the kids ("No! We do not play IN the toilet!" "No! We do not throw matchbox cars at the baby!" etc. etc. etc.).

Having said that, I much prefer the toddler stage. The stage where they still think it's amazingly exciting to stay home and bake cookies. The stage where when the poo does end up in the potty, they feel the need to name it according to shape ("Look! It's jet poop!"). The stage where they don't think you are a giant nerd who does nothing right. Because I got a taste of that this weekend with my older nephews. 8 and 11. I'm telling you...that's more birth control for me than any number of babies. Babies generally don't roll their eyes at you and ignore every single thing you say. Toddlers do, but there are those in between times where they say things like, "I'm going to hug you forever!" and "Let me give you kisses!"

I genuinely look forward to having my own children...even knowing all of this. But in the meantime, here's hoping Monkey and Bug and I make it through the summer.

I'm a Giant Nerd, Chapter 8,362

Krissie is getting married. My Krissie. Married.

This is happy news. I am excited to meet Barry and scrutinize his every word and deed because it's fun to make these guys squirm. I did it to Wil when Lauren introduced us, but he won me over pretty quickly and I'm sure Barry will as well.

So of course we got to reception talk. I swear it's becoming a little secret addiction. I stalk photographers under the guise of being a photography enthusiast (I do love photography, but honestly, I don't need to know so much about Utah wedding photographers). I basically have all of my ideas for my future reception laid out and will just pick what works when the time comes. I don't think that's too out of the ordinary for a girl...we all have some idea of what we like and want ahead of time, right? (please say yes).

So Krissie sent me this photo to give me an idea of what she wants:

That's the color scheme and I like it. I think it's very her. Colorful and whimsical and fun. I've been on the hunt all day for ideas and promised to post a wedding idea post for her. I even picked a dress I want her to make work because she would look smoking hot in it.

J Crew dress

Honestly, it's gorgeous. But it's ivory so there is a possible set back. I'm anxious to see what she finds.

So here's the inspiration and links following:


Koolaid print
Socks
Ribbon Table
Paper Lanterns
Candy Sticks
Bloom Belt
Soda Bar

So the Soda Bar and Koolaid sign are because she mentioned having a lemonade bar to help incorporate all the colors, which I think is a fun idea. Big glass containers filled with pink, yellow, red, purple, blue and green koolaid. Having the sign (or something like it) would just be a fun decoration. She also has the option of purchasing colored straws.

She mentioned paper lanterns - that link is mostly for her to peruse. Paper lanterns in every color and style you could ask for.

She also mentioned candy for the tables - I think the candy sticks would go with that whimsical carnival type feel and (again) bring in the colors. Cracker Barrel also sells candy sticks for like $.15 or something in case that bulk order doesn't include some of the colors.

I think it would be fun to have the guys wear funky socks with their tuxes. Argyle or stripes.

Hydrangeas are just pretty and they come in most of those colors and they make pretty bouquets. I have no idea if you can get them in Utah in August, but whatever.

The ribbon table setting. She mentioned having all the tables a different color. I think having the white table cloth with different colored ribbons at each table would keep it all from being too much and would bring all of it together.

Bloom belts. I offered to sew smock top dresses for the bridesmaids (Krissie has five sisters and I don't know about Barry, but seriously, five sisters). I think we can make them all somewhat uniform and still showcase individual style through shoes and shrugs and such. Adding bloom belts and/or head bands would be another way to incorporate color depending on what fabric we find and wether or not she takes me up on my offer (no pressure, seriously, I just offered in the hopes to possibly save them some money).

Anyway, there you go. That's mostly for Krissie. I sent her a whole bunch of emails today that I'm sure she wouldn't want to go through and this kind of condenses it all. Let me know what you think, Krilifis!

summer and more

So it's almost the middle of June and I'm just figuring out my plans. Lauren and I reached a dilemma. I need to look for a real job, but she has one and it seems everyone else does as well...meaning if I stop watching the boys there isn't really anyone else around to take my place during the summer. There are plans coming together for September, but July and August need to be covered.

My Grandparents also need a little assistance (but are unwilling to let anyone assist them) and I'm hoping to pry myself into their home so I can at least clean the bathrooms and empty out the fridge.

I'll also be working with the ward employment specialist to try and find real life jobs for the fall. I have to decide if I want to go to England or stay here and work or go do something completely different. England would be amazing, I just don't think I want to nanny right now (which is really what's holding me back). I really wish I could just move there and get a job but it doesn't work that way...at least not in the legal sense. If I stay here (meaning Maryland) my goal will be to pay off my credit cards and save money to get a place of my own. I may move to my Grandparents (they REALLY need someone there and although it would be hard it's the right thing to do) and kind of split my time between here and there. I may not do any of these things, but at least there are some options.

I intend to start reading more again (I hit a slump after I Capture the Castle that I'm sure has everything to do with my lack of job) and to start working on creative things. I have plenty of fabric and yarn and such that I can make a lot of stuff if I just sit down and get into it. I'm going to donate two of my tutus to hospice for them to sell and I'm going to crochet a couple of blankets to donate as well. I have a whole bunch of yarn that needs to be used and donating to hospice seems like a good place to send it.

I'm going to get a tan. That seems like a much less worthy venture, but I am tired of my legs being transparent and I'm tired of rain. I want to sit out in the sun and let my skin bake to golden brown perfection. I have already had a couple of little sunburned patches so there's no dealing with sunburn.

I'm going to get a church calling and I'm going to fulfill it to the best of my ability. I'm pretty sure I can handle whatever I get because I know it won't be a primary or nursery calling. Whatever it is, I'm going to rock it.

I'm going to continue paying my tithing 100%. I am a slacker with tithing, but so far this year I have paid everything plus fast offerings (which, to be honest, I've never really paid). This is not meant to brag or anything like that, it's just my goal. This year I will get back into the habit of paying those things and I will not let myself get out of the habit again.

I'm going to buy a bookshelf as soon as I have my own space to put it in. Some of you may remember that I already purchased a very nice bookshelf when I lived in my old apartment, but that bookshelf is now happy in my sister's apartment and covered in her books and will probably stay with them until they move and I have a place to put that bookshelf. I do love it and will be reclaiming it someday I'm sure.

I'm going to see Monkey actually finish being potty trained. There will be a day (and I'm optimistic it will be this summer) that he will decide to just stop having "accidents" and that will be a glorious day indeed. The heavens will open and angels will sing...and we won't have to clean poopy underwear again!!

I'm going to try my hardest to break Monkey of his whining. I've just decided this today, but I'm going to do it. He's not the whiniest kid on the block, but I lose 90% of my patience with him the minute his voice gets whiny. It drives me crazy. I must tell him to stop whining 100 times every day. Just now I told him. JUST. NOW. TWICE. I don't know how I will do it or that it will work (in fact I will probably fail) but if I can get him to at least cut down on the whining then I will be happier. Maybe I'll just keep him so busy he won't have time to whine? Who knows, but I can dream.

I'm going to go to the beach. Even if it's just a long weekend by myself. I will drive to Cape Cod and I will work on my tan and I will read books and crochet blankets and sit in peace and quiet by myself. I've never been one to do things by myself. In fact, I think it's kind of weird...people at the movies or out to dinner by themselves are strange in my mind simply because there is no one with them. But if that's the only way I'll get an honest to goodness beach vacation then so be it. I will go and I will be happy going and I'll come home tan and happy.

There you go. Goals. Goals are good, right?

halloween

I'm already thinking about halloween. I like to start early so there's a lot of time to work on costumes should something need to be made. Lauren and I were talking about the boys costumes and want to do these:




I think we could put these costumes together. The most difficult part would be finding the onesie for Max. The rest would be adding felt and fur and buttons. For the Wild Thing (specifically Moishe, the striped one) a striped shirt and scaled bottoms. Again, I think I could find a plain onesie and use fabric paint or felt to achieve the stripes and scales, then it's just felt and fur for the face and tails and claws.

I've also always thought it would be fun to do Peanuts costumes.

This picture is weird because the colors are off, but there are a lot of options here. Monkey could be Charlie or Snoopy or even Linus or Woodstock. Bug has a nice round head (earning him a nickname of Canonball from a friend at church) and would make an adorable Charlie Brown.

I've been wanting to do a Lucy costume for myself - already having dark hair, I would just have to work on the style and find a dress and saddle shoes. But Lauren would make a cute Lucy as well and she already has a blue dress. Then Wil could be Charlie or we could make him be that tree with Charlie's kite stuck in it (Wil hates costumes, so we try to make them as easy and comfortable for him as possible...both of those pretty much just equal him wearing his regular clothes with a few slight modifications).

Monkey expressed interest in being a Witch for halloween this year. So there's an option. Building some sort of good Wizard costume...or making him Harry Potter, which would be taking the easy way out but he would be super cute.

I might just make myself a tutu and be something easy like a dancer or a witch. Let's be honest, as long as I get to wear fake eyelashes, I'm pretty happy. I'm just done with the snowflake costume...and wearing last year's costume without Megan and Whitley would just make me look depressing I think - one lonely fate.

Today I faced a fear

Well, not so much "faced my fear" as "was confronted by my fear and screamed like someone was attacking me."

Monkey got a balloon at lunch. We don't secure balloons because we want them to fly away and "go be with Jesus," but today he was holding onto it for dear life.

It was over-inflated.

I was trying to get him into the van while avoiding contact with the balloon. There were people waiting for our parking spot. He turned the corner, the balloon touched the van and BAM!

It popped.

I screamed and jumped back and shook my hands in fear. I had no control over that reaction. It was embarrassing.

Monkey got upset and cried for his balloon and I was so frazzled that I basically told him I was happy it was gone. I'm a horrible person. and terrified of balloons.

Today a three year old made me cry

Is that something else I have to look forward to with motherhood? The totally ridiculous feeling of being so tired and overwhelmed that you just start crying because you can't take THEIR crying anymore?

The funny part is that I have had much more stressful and tiring times with Monkey over the last three months but the events of yesterday have left me a little sour and preoccupied.

See, yesterday I spent the day painting the utility room. I used a color we had on hand. The room was previously bright blue. Like greek restaurant bright blue. Like the color of the bottom of a swimming pool. Those two examples are the only places that should be this particular color of blue. Our buttercream kitchen and our burnt orange powder room which are connected by the utility room were also suffering from the effects of such a bright neighbor. So I painted the room khaki...heaven forbid I used a neutral!

Here are my reasons:
1. It goes with the tile in the room and with the neighboring kitchen and bathroom colors.
2. It's warmer and more welcoming than the blue.
3. We are having a family party in exactly one month...I thought my mom would appreciate having one room that looks complete and put together.
4. I also thought she would appreciate the thought and the work I put into it...and that I only spent $20...and that I didn't spend her money.

Apparently she doesn't really care about all those reasons. She hates the color (I thought she liked it a little at least since it looks so nice in Lauren's apartment). The end.

So now I feel like crap. And because I feel like crap, it didn't take much from said three year old to push me over the edge and make me cry.

Numbers 22: 21, etc.

As told by a three year old:

Ahem.

Once upon a time there was a bad bad bad bad bad bad man.

Then the angel said (in a voice ever so soft and sweet and high pitched), "Be nice."

And the donkey said, "Yee honk! Yee honk!"

The end.