"my heart is beating like a drum....must be in shock"

So this could all move very quickly and that is exciting and scary at the same time. Exciting because it's great to make a decision and just go for it and not do all the waiting.

But it also could move slowly. It all depends on when I get a job. I can't concentrate, I have so many things going through my mind right now. Half of it (moving, packing, cleaning, projects to finish, people to talk to, things to figure out) is stuff I want to get working on and stuff I want to talk and think about. The other (more important) half of it (moving, leaving my family, leaving the kids!, etc.) is stuff I don't want to think about because if I do, I really start to freak out.


I don't want to leave the kids. I don't want to leave my mom and my sister. I am happy living near them and seeing my family every day. My sister is my best friend and I hate living across the country from her. I don't know how I'll go without seeing Bug everyday. I don't know how I'll go without a fix of Monkey or Hailey. After having been home for so long and enjoying those perks, I know that being without them is going to kill me. I can't help but to think of all the things I won't be here for. First steps, first words, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Birthdays.

But I also have to think about what a good choice this is for me to make for my future. I have to see it as moving forward. My family will always be there for me. I will always have them to come home to and the kids will love me and miss me no matter where I go and what I do.




So basically, I'm excited and sad and freaking out and happy and scared and all sorts of other things all at the same time.